I SWEAR ON ME MUM
Posts: 31
Preferred Name: Nama
Character Profile: ♠♠♠
Character Name: Elgen Galbraith
Main Account: Levenin
Status: Active
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Post by Elgen on Nov 24, 2015 3:51:07 GMT -5
I finally got around to the thing. Profile: XRP: X |
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Administrator
Bow of Cerberus
forever judging koko
Posts: 18
Preferred Name: Mama, Tsukiko, Beyonce
Pronouns: She, Her
Character Profile: http://r3dux.boards.net/thread/152/gaia
Character Name: Gaia
Main Account: This one yo
Status: Lurking
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Post by tsukikomumai on Dec 21, 2015 0:12:59 GMT -5
Hi Levenin! Thanks for waiting Hey Nama thank you for your patience with this eval. Profile looks fine however several things stand out that should be addressed: - The age to be in secret police is 18. While Elgen is 19 and meets the age requirement, we would appreciate a mention of how long he has been in SP such as as soon as he turned 18 or so on. If you wanted him to be in there a bit longer you can just age him up.
- In the skeleton profile portion could you also include the appearance picture and location of the port. Also the detailed info about Edinburgh's gun portion in the coded profile doesnt really match the section in the skeleton. If you can just copy that to make sure everything matches we will appreciate that.
- On the subject of the gun, its fine that it shoots lazers but vaporizing things is unfortunately a little bit too much. it can cause some bad burns and wounds (think like if a light saber hit you) and maybe vaporize smaller objects, but not people.
Your posts also look good so just fix those minor things and you will be set! |
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I SWEAR ON ME MUM
Posts: 31
Preferred Name: Nama
Character Profile: ♠♠♠
Character Name: Elgen Galbraith
Main Account: Levenin
Status: Active
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Post by Elgen on Dec 31, 2015 3:12:06 GMT -5
tsukikomumaiI added links to his appearance in the skeleton, as well as the gun info. I modified/clarified Edinburgh in both the skeleton and the coded section of unique tech to specify just how much damage it can do (surface burns, etc. as opposed to complete vaporization). But before I change the age stuff, I'd say he was probably in it not too long after turning 18 but since he actually does do a lot of things on his own or with a great deal of authority (like investigating scenes and leading busts, etc.), would it be more realistic to age him up? He isn't a prodigy by any means, just dedicated to the job.
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Administrator
hufflefucker with pride
Posts: 4
Preferred Name: Lills
Pronouns: She/her
Character Name: Rachael
Main Account: Rachael
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Post by Rachael on Jan 20, 2016 22:13:13 GMT -5
ElgenHey there Nama! Taking over for Tsuki here since her computer is down, sorry for the wait ;v; The gun and port look fine now, thank you! For the age, it's fine to keep him at 19. Just wanted to be sure it was clear he'd only been in the Secret Police for a short while if that was the case. Since that's all good, you're approved! Welcome to the Secret Police 
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