Administrator
officially a swaggy gryffindor
rats in the freezer
Posts: 130
Preferred Name: Kenny
Character Profile: Character Hub
Character Name: Kendra Saunders
Status: Active
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Post by Kendra on Oct 26, 2015 0:55:19 GMT -5
I'LL MAKE THIS PRETTY EVENTUA L L Y AHAHAHA TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY |
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Administrator
officially a swaggy gryffindor
rats in the freezer
Posts: 130
Preferred Name: Kenny
Character Profile: Character Hub
Character Name: Kendra Saunders
Status: Active
|
Post by Kendra on Oct 26, 2015 1:05:29 GMT -5
alcohol is healthy right? kendra & parker Two year, five months, and eighteen days.
But who was counting?
Sometimes it was easy to forget what had happened all that time ago on a random morning in April. Not when the aches happened, though. The phantom pain, the cold sweats in the middle of the night, the paranoia. At first, there hasn't really been any issues. Intensive nerve damage meant implants to help with stabilization and acceptance of the prosthetic. Two nerve enhancement points; above her shoulder blade, and under her collarbone. The pain had been nearly unbearable, but after a time it became part of life and she accepted it - she moved on and forged past.
Everything from the past could be used to grow as a person and not hold someone back.
Or so she thought.
"Am I a bad person?" Kendra felt her arm growing heavy from the alcohol swirling in her bloodstream, eyelids heavy while she slouched over the bar. A hand ran through her bangs and stopped there, a heavy sigh leaving her when she went to take another long drink from her whiskey. She hated the taste, but the burn kept her focused.
"Do you want me to be honest?" Parker raised a brow toward her. "You're the one that called and asked me to clear my schedule. I'm not really here to be answering questions, you know that."
"Don't… Don't lie to me, Park. S'all I ask." Her words were already starting to slur.
"Well, you asked for it. You're not exactly a good person, Kendra. I mean… You try, yeah. But that doesn't mean you are." His voice didn't change from a flat tone while he wiped a glass and pulled out a few bottle from under the bar to mix another drink. "You expect things from people too much, and you expect them to act the way you want them to. We both know it doesn't work that way."
"But he's just… So frustrating!" Her voice raised, hand coming down hard on the bar before grabbing her glass and downing the rest of the contents. "Another."
"Okay, but why is he frustrating?" A tall glass was sat before Kendra, the golden liquid inside bubbling with carbonation and mint leaves. Parker didn't even need to ask who she was talking about. He'd been the subject of their chats a lot lately - he assumed it was the same person. Even he wasn't stupid enough to think she meant someone else.
"He's just. He doesn't respect himself. He sells himself! And he's so fucking blunt and rude and I just can't stop thinking about what he says. I'm really trying to get better, but he looks at me like everything I do is shallow and worthless. S'not my fucking fault I can't figure what he wants me to do. I just want to be close to him, is that… Is that so bad? It's not bad at all. But he treats me like I'm some plagued dog or some shit and I'm just stuck out in the cold waiting for my next job, or this stupid bullshit favor system he does, because apparently I'm not even worth enough of his time normally without a damn trade of some kind." Kendra's words melded together the more she spoke, her voice rising higher the longer she went on. Though, she soon enough grabbed the drink and began to nurse it through a straw.
"Like… Like, so okay I might have fucked up and attacked him the other day --"
"Wait, you attacked him?" Parker stopped and raised a brow at his sister. That wasn't like her.
"Shhhh. I fucked up and got mad because of the selling himself thing okay. He was trying to say I had to pay him if I wanted to sleep with him and it was insulting to him. That's not important."
"Attacking someone out of anger is a bit fucking important, Kendra. And you mean it hurt your pride."
"Wait… What?"
"It hurt your pride to know he was offering himself in that way to you, because you assumed that he was putting you on par with anyone else for that. To him, I'm guessing sex isn't all that big of a deal. But to you it's a much deeper and emotional thing. Don't try and deny it, I see that look on your face and I know what the hell you're thinking. You're god damned pride is clouding your judgement because you're trying to force that ideal that a connection should be special onto him. And instead of going about things in a way that works for him, you're being selfish and focusing on yourself."
"I'm not selfish…"
"Kendra."
A loud sigh left her, followed by a grumble and her forehead hitting the bar with a solid 'thud'. Here she had told Samuel she wouldn't lie, and she was trying to do it already. Well, he did only say to him. But lying to herself didn't much help. Kendra rolled her head on the bar to rest her cheek on the cool surface, eyes trying and failing to focus on the wall to her left.
"Alright, fine. I'm a selfish piece of shit that wants attention and to not be alone anymore. I'm tired of dragging my feet along these streets with nothing to show for it and an empty feeling leaving me alone at home. I love my work, I love the rush of it - but that doesn't make everything all better. I don't care about getting close to people, but here I am griping to you about the fact I can't get close to someone. Pathetic, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is pathetic." Parker didn't so much as miss a beat, or the harsh glare Kendra shot at him. "I'm not going to coddle you and expect you to get better. If you want to change, do it. If you want to stay the same, stay the same. You're shit at dealing with people, and you always have been. You didn't let yourself enjoy your youth, and now you're a 25 year old that's finally realizing you fucked up along the way."
"But we had to survive…"
"And you're using that as an excuse. You have been for years."
Parker reached his hand out and tapped the scar on Kendra's brow, letting his finger trail down before moving to the longest that ended on her cheek. He had encouraged her to get them fixed once she moved to Upper Class, but she had refused. That stubborn pride of hers hadn't changed at all. It was like talking to a wall at times. He pulled the hand back and crossed his arms over his chest.
"It's been over 10 years now, Kendra. It's been 10 years, and you're still trying to act like the mother we didn't have to random strangers and acquaintances alike. All that did was cost you an arm and a world full of trouble. I mean, for god sakes did you even think about what I thought when the first time we've talked in years was because you had gotten your arm blasted off?" Parker frowned, his voice tight as he looked down at his intoxicated sister leaning on the bartop.
"I was fine. I'm always fine." Even if it wasn't the truth, she told it to herself. She was fine. When they were kids, she was fine missing out on everything to keep themselves alive. When got the scars on her face, she was fine. When Parker had left her alone, she was fine. When she had to leave Samuel after his graduation, she was fine. When she killed her first person, she was fine. When she lost her arm, she was fine. When she was rejected, she was fine.
She was fine…
She had to be.
Silence hung in the air for a moment before Parker slammed his hands down on the bar, causing Kendra to instinctively grab the gun strapped to her thigh. He started down the barrel of her pistol, not so much as moving until she set it on the bar and a wave of guilt washed over her. Loud noises still kept her on edge. She wasn't okay - she hadn't been for such a long time. But her pride forced her to swallow everything down and refuse to accept the help of others.
Everyone always let her down. Everyone always left her out.
She really was alone.
A ring of bitter laughter fell from her lips while she sat up, her hands running through her hair before she gripped the roots and began to tug. It was all so clear, how had she been so blind? Who even was she? Not a nice person, not someone that went out of her way to help others from the goodness of her heart. No, she used people. She bent them to her will, she molded them into useful pieces she could trust to do exactly what she wanted. But trusting them for themselves? That was a riot.
"I'm sorry, Parker. I'm a royal fuck up. Maybe I can get a crown this year for Persephone's Reign and let everyone know the queen of fuckville is around." Kendra felt her voice crack, her eyes burning while she looked up at the ceiling and sealed them shut. "I mean, holy shit how do I make friends, how do I interact with people? What the fuck have I been doing the past 25 years? Stumbling around pissing everywhere and hoping it fucking works. But look at that! It doesn't work at all! Who knew, who knew. I sure as fuck didn't!"
Another round of laughter left her as she looked down, tears rolling down her cheeks. Laughter drowned out the sadness. Stoicism drowned out the pain. She didn't need to feel anything, why the fuck did she need to feel anything? All it did was make her overreact and fuck things up.
"I thought normal stuff would work. Lunch, get togethers, drinks? Isn't that how you get people to pay attention to you? It works for everyone else so why doesn't he just… I don't understand, why can't I get this shit right. I'm just…" Kendra choked and rubbed her eyes, the cool feeling of her prosthetic hand helping to keep her cheeks from growing too hot.
Parker just stood there and reached out towards her forehead. Kendra stared at his hand, only to let out a small yelp once he flicked her in the center of her forehead.
"What the fuck was --"
"Maybe if you stopped bitching for two fucking seconds and listened to yourself, you'd know what to do?"
"So you flick me?"
"Holy shit, no wonder this guy is always annoyed with you."
"Who's side are you on?!" She flared up at him, face growing red and voice going up an octave.
"Have you thought about, I dunno, asking him?"
"Asking what side he's on? His own, clearly…"
Parker slapped his forehead and dragged the hand down his face, a groan leaving him all the while. He loved his sister, but she couldn't have been more fucking stupid when it came to relationships that were more than surface deep.
"Instead of doing your little trade whatever's to try and be sickeningly sweet and friendly, maybe you should get him to lay shit out for you, because you're atrocious at interpersonal relationships."
"I am not--"
"Kendra."
"Well, what the hell am I supposed to say?" She snapped back, hands through in the air. "Oh hey there, Sam. So for this trade I want you to teach me how to actually make friends because I'm so piss poor at it, and the way I'm going about things seems to just be making you dislike me more. So what do you say, ol' pal? Cause you sure tell me I'm shitty at it a lot - so let's fix that together instead of doing all these silly little outings where I'm trying to get to know you because they sure are awkward! I mean you're already a blunt asshole, but you're my blunt asshole, and boy, oh boy, I want to keep it that way. Work is fun and all, but golly I'd love to spend time with you outside of work on friendly terms because I actually enjoy your company! And boy, for the longest time you were right, it was just proximity company. But I've realized that maybe, just a tiny bit, holy shit it's more than that? Why else would I get so goddamn mad when you make it obvious you don't give two shits about me? And man, I'm chill when others talk about sex or whatever, but you doing it makes my blood turn to ice or boil depending on the subject! So let's do this, Samuel. Teach me all about people and let's run into the fucking sunset together and be happy."
"Is that what you want me to say, Parker? Is that what you fucking want from me?!" Her voice had turned towards a snarl, the venom clearly dripping from her words while her lips pulled back into a sneer.
"It's not about what I want, Kendra. Stop trying to do the petty pleasing others and think about yourself. You'll never get in someone's good graces when you're faking everything to try and make them like you. Stop acting like you're still a child having to win people over to get a handout and survive. You aren't a child anymore." The outburst hadn't even phased him, and he had once again gone back to cleaning the glasses behind the counter.
"I know that… But, I just…"
"No buts, no excuses. Just fucking do it. You've always browbeat yourself out of doing things in the hopes others would take the step to fix shit. Sorry to say, that's not what's happening here. Be a god damned adult, be assertive, and fix this shit instead of waiting for someone to pick up the pieces for you. If you actually give a shit about things getting better - Say so. Stop assuming everyone wants the same shit you do, and stop dragging people into your little fucking ego fluff game. It's not cute, and it never will be."
"But…"
"What did I just fucking say?"
Kendra sat up and stared at her hands on the bartop, turning them over while she rolled Parker's words over in her mind. She twisted the wrist of her prosthetic arm, the hiss of parts moving the only signal while it opened and revealed the blade hidden beneath.
"You didn't let losing an arm stop you, so why are you letting your excuses hold you back now?"
"Because I'm scared…"
"Then own it, conquer it, and move on."
"It's not that easy, Parker. You know that…"
"But you'll never make progress if you don't take that step forward. Since when have you been hesitant about things, Kendra? The idiot of a sister I know has always charged head first into things she knew she wanted to do." Parker said while reaching out and wiping away a tear from her cheek, a lopsided grin on his face.
"Swallow that pride for once in your life. Ask for help."
"I hope you know I'm going to do that after I get another drink."
"Wait… You're going to do it here and now?"
"Liquid courage, my dear Parkour. Now get me another before I lose my nerve and say fuck you."
"You're an idiot, Kendra. You know that, right?"
"Aaaaah, entirely. But right now, I'm going to forget that."
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Civilians
 C[re]ate Champion
Posts: 106
Preferred Name: Varmun
Pronouns: He/Him
Character Profile: Character List
Character Name: Isaac Vasari
Main Account: Isaac
Status: Active
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Post by Isaac on Nov 24, 2015 13:13:55 GMT -5
Sibling arguments are fun o uo
Nice fic, Kenny. It's funny, knowing what I do about Parker makes this scene really interesting--the idea that a criminal and trained assassin is giving life advice to a cop. The whole start-up to the conversation where he admits Kendra is not a good person just has this sort of tragic theme to it. I almost wish there had been a fic about Parker first, one showing the terrible things he's done, and then you meet his cop sister. That would really reinforce that less-desirable side of Kendra.
But my musings aside, that was a fun read, Kenny /o/
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